Connor BABY!!!

Hello precious. We have moved  into our new home for 3 months now. U seems to be getting used to it now. U have a whole room of toys to yourself. Which... Sometimes u will push dada or me in, so we could play with you. Time is so precious.. I have only this much time in 1 day. And I need to work need to cook and you keep wanting us to play with you for like 247. Sometimes I wanna make some pastry.. So I just left u with ur dada. But then ur dada also want to have some of his own time. So sometimes  u ended up playing alone. I feel so guilty sometimes. I am sorry my baby boy. I love you more and more each day. I will play with you more okay?? Ur feet is on my face right now. I ma kiss them lil feet.. I love you  Connor. Dun u ever forget that..

To be needed without replacements

Hi Connor,

Das thought about this a few days ago, when you just woke up for school, and obviously just want to stay home. Dad had little choice but to bring you there though. Mom and dad gotta work to bring home the dough.

But it got me thinking, about certain frustrations I've been having and why.

When you grow up, perhaps you will learn of this world too. it is a cynical, cynical world. And one where every team leader, every boss will say no one is irreplaceable. One gets used to it. I got used to it.

But your world, as I am coming to know more of each day, works on different rules. And some things, are just not replaceable to you. Your mom is one, and I am another.

It is a great honor, and one that I should appreciate from the start. But I didn't.

Well, because though it is extremely unflattering to be easily replaceable, and to not be uniquely essential, it does offer certain benefits and conveniences. For one, it means that I can take a rest, and I can do other stuff without the world collapsing.

So when for once in my life I am irreplaceable, I found it frustrating. Why can't I take a break? Why can't you just play with yourself? Why do you come running after me mere seconds of me moving away to do something else?

As I was hugging you on that Tuesday morning, you in your school uniform, me in my work clothes, I realised that I have became so desensitized to being unimportant, that when I finally became a VIP to someone, I instinctively reject it instead of embracing it. Crude comparison, I became so used to being given shit that I became angry when someone showed up with cake.

In a world when instead of being seen as me, I am seen only by my abilities and attributes, as replaceable parts of machines, I have became more foolish than I ought to be. To detest being put in such an important role in your life.

I have wasted 19 months and 3 days being foolish. It is time to reclaim some of my wisdom. It is time to relish being seen as a human again, as uniquely me. Time to love you.

Regards,
Dad, a.k.a. Dada

Our new home!

Much belated... It's been almost a month since we moved into our new home after all.

And CONNOR! STOP OPENING THE DRAWERS AND THROWING EVERYTHING EVERYWHERE!!!

Yup yup, that about sums up our new life. Mine definitely, since nowadays I have began picking you up from school. And those hours between the delight of seeing you after a long day's work and the relief of seeing your mum after hours of running after you clearing up the mess you make...

It's like a rollercoaster, an emotional rollercoaster. Swinging from being driven to being red with madness, to being melted inside out by your preciousness.

Each moment, each bit of emotion, is going to be the treasure I bring with me to my next life, when the time comes. And treasures they are, and you are my biggest treasure of all, the treasure generator!

Mwarkx!

Naughty Baby Connor

Hey connor. My little man.

Been working and working and working lately.

Don't really have much time to blog.

Just wanna tell you.

U been very naughty lately.

U r growing up connor.

U splash powder all over my floor.

u climb here and there.

u put ur feet out on the tricycle. 

which is kinda dangerous.

What if u hurt ur feet.

So... we been hitting u alot lately.

Ur lil tiny palm.

Ur lil leg.

i dunno if its right parenting things to do.

my poor lil boy.

but.. just know that we loves u.

ALOT.

Work work.

Hello little tiny mini man.

I love you so much.

U actually survive for 11 months. with us.

And i am so glad i am still alive too.

Baby con u r turning 1 soon.

Ur mama sorta kana fired by ur grandma.

I am working for her at 150 dollar a day as a chef.

The workload is crazy.

And i can help ease ur dada burden.

But u got HFMD for 2 weeks.

So i cant work for that 2 weeks.

And they sorta pissed and wanna cut my salary.

Mama working outside at 8dollar/ hour now.

Feel like pathetic.

But.. i am happier.

Stress free.

Know more people. None can be my friend YET.

and know more places. and know more things.

I wanna give u everything my lil man.

i love you so much.

I kiss ur feet everyday.

I smell ur ass too.

My lil baby.

MUACKS.

Overflowing love

Hello my baby con. Mama haven been blogging lately. Mama started working now. So tired. Every morning wake up wait for ur tardy dada to come and fetch me to infant care. Previously when he didn't fetch me I have to carry ur luggage and u and climb the stupid uphill near my house in order to reach infant care. Now ur dada fetch me so much more better. Can sleep for 30 more minutes. After work rush home and bath. About 5 plus den start crochet. Mama set up 2 online shop to sell my handmade dolls. So far no business yet. Until 6.15 have to prep aND go climb the damn hill to fetch u again. The walk back is tedious. It's like my leg muscle gonna explode. Plus u getting fatter and fatter everyday. Once home will bath u feed u and den play with u for a while. Sometimes gong gong which is my dad. Will bring u out for a walk. Den he play with u from 8 plus until 9 which is when ur dada reach my house. Soon we be able to live together. 😆 whatever it is... no matter how tiring and how fat u become .. mama gonna carry u mama gonna love u til I die. My precious conman. Muacks hugging u to sleep. My little tiny baby.

Teething con

Hello connor boy. Mama working now. Do you know u been hospitalized for 1 day last week. U suddenly vomit lots of milk all over my bed. I nv knew teething can cause this. So we got scared and drove you to hospital. Doctor say must admit u. So sad. Mama stay with us throughout the night. So shag. Now I put u at childcare. The childcare called and asked me to bring u home cause u diarhhea 3 times already. Hais. Ur grandma went home early so she took u home. My dearest con. I love u. Faster teeth finish okay. Notti man.

Connor injured!

Hi Connor!

Yesterday you injured yourself. Not the first time. But this time you injured yourself on my knee.

You were on the bed and I was sitting on it guarding it as usual... Then you came over, slipped and knocked your chin on my knee.

Didn't know what was happening as I picked you up for a consoling hug, until I saw the blood on your shirt. Then your mouth. Then my shirt. OMG.

But after you calmed down, you were back to your happy self again, albeit a little afraid of me (What >.< You came and hit my knee!)

And that's good Connor. And I hope this rate of recovery continues throughout your life. Because we will fall, and we will get hurt. Physically, mentally and emotionally. As a parent my role is never to teach you how never to get hurt, but how to minimize getting hurt and more importantly, how to recover from a fall.

These few months you've been grabbing the bed guard (the blue fence thingy in mama's pictures) and getting up. And falling down. And getting up. And this is good. Often times between starting and success is a whole bunch of failures. The Chinese had a saying, that success is birthed from failures. And they are absolutely right. Put in another way, if you never try because you are afraid of failing, then you will never succeed.

Of course, there will be times when you succeed on your first try. But as the years go on you will realize that is more the exception than the rule. Don't ever let fear rule you, because the day you do, you will end up in a smaller shell and your growth will stop.

OK, too much preachy Dad.

I just want to end this note by letting you know that, no matter what, I will always love you. And though I will always wait to see if you can get up by your own powers after you fall, I will always be around to help you up when you can't. And dust you off a little, check the seriousness of your wounds, before giving you a big grin and a big thumbs up as I send you back to your business. Be it play, love or work.

Connor boy @ childcare

Hello baby con.

Today is the first day i put you at childcare.

Mama and dada paid 3k for this.

TO suffer!!!

Grandma says i cannot work yet.

cause cannot just dump u there and leave.

But childcare doesnt allow me to stay for long.

The moment i pass you to the caretaker,

they put u on the floor.

You eyes become sparkling.

Eat carpet.

Eat toys.

And play with mirror.

You seems so happy, you didnt even look at me once.

I squat down at a corner, watching you.

And after an hour or so, the caretaker kept saying i can leave.

i assume they just wanna kick me out and start abusing you!!

so i left, and hid behind the door and theres a small glass panel..

i watch you.. and my heart broke.

i loiter around the block... feel like crying.

I cant believe i dump u there!!

My heart ache..

But... mama need to work soon.

Mama have only 100 in bank.

Dada is broke from buying milk powder and theres a car to support.

I went home..

Thought i could finally sleep without you punching me

pulling my hair

stepping on my stomach and boobs.

or you slapping my face.

But i couldnt.

after an hour or so i fell asleep hugging your VERY smelly pillow.

And now it is wash and drying.

Every second with you brings me joy.

i love you so much.

You r the greatest gift i ever receive.

from god. not from your dada.

Baby con.. please love me when you grow up.

love me like how i love you.

remember to hug me when i grow old.

my lil man.

Love you lots.

Connor boy 1 on 1 with fan.

So cute!

Mama bought lots of ball ball for you, Mini ball ball land at home!

Free tent from buying hell lots of diapers.

Save me Connor boy

Hello Connor boy..

you just learn crawling

and u refused to sleep at night

even though ur eyes are like red and blood shotted.

Mama dying here too.

I am so shag..

i feel like a zombie..

save me connor boy!!

go to sleep!!

if u r not so cute.. i would have punch u and make u faint.

=P

too bad.